Up until the end of 2018 I was a “full time” employee.
I was able to get up, get the kids up and fed and dressed and out the door, somehow managing to have a bra on..
I worked until 5 and picked up the kids from daycare, made them dinner. Bath, Book and Bed.
I missed the summertime, the fair, the trips. I was always working.
I’ve been put in a situation where it’s okay to now only work part time, which has been great.
Gives me a chance to actually hang out with my kids..
Daycare costs are WAY down. (Which face it moms, that’s NEVER a bad thing)
We do crafts, we watch “George” I can make them meals and I get to interact in their lives.
Now I’m not saying working full time is bad. I’ve done it since I was 16.
I now am working only part time, and I have this wonderful blog I intend to be committed too.
..but I’m still waiting for the “click”
you know, when your life feels complete, kinda like all the gears are moving in sync.
I started my life on my own the correct way in my opinion. I graduated when I was 17 with 3 extra credits..(yes that makes me proud)
I did the whole relationship, in love, marriage thing with my Highschool Sweetheart. We bought a house, worked all the time, ordered way to much Chinese Takeout..but it was what was next for me. We had my oldest son together.
A couple years ago, things started getting really unbearable and we called it quits.There was the expected hostility that faded away over time, and now we are the best co-parents ever. We are very supportive of one another.
But when that happened, I wanted a sort of “recharge”. Regain control of my life.
And for the most part I did.
I got my own apartment, took care of my son,
..did everything I was supposed too.
I started dating again. My life started to have a little track again for me to follow. I was still working full time, trying to keep up with the flow around me. Then my youngest was born and I took as much maternity leave as I could, but it wasn’t enough.
I’m not even sure there is “enough”.
I was let go from my job at the end of 2018 for missing too much (new attendance policy) I pretty much was being forced to choose my job over my children. I was on the virge of quitting anyways.
So in a way, someone or something was looking out for me. That experience really opened my eyes to the life I was missing. My kids were growing up without me. So luckily, financially, it was okay for me not to jump into another full time job.
So here I am, writing to all of you. One child napping, and the other with their father at the circus.
I still haven’t found the “click” yet. I wish I felt more “settled down”. Maybe soon I will get there, and have a little family to share it with.
Motherhood really has built me into the woman I am today. Even though sometimes I feel a little lost, as I’m sure we all do from time to time, my kids remind me that my gears are turning just fine. ❤