Nothing Special Tonight

Just waiting for laundry to finish so I can go to bed.

It’s only reason I’m up. This seems to be the only time I have a chance to do things without interruptions. Except for my brain as it wanders…..

I also I am kind of anxious because I start my new job tomorrow.

A little backround on me. I started working at Cracker Barrel when I was 16. It was my first job. 10 years later I’m still slinging shifts and Chicken N’ Dumplins. I was happy. Didn’t really build myself up in the company but I’ve made many friends over the years. That was enough for me.

I ventured out and onto other things, tried to find my passion. Didn’t work.

(Because I finally let go of the fantasy of going somewhere with my real passion-singing)

You have this idea when you’re young and thinking about what you life would be like.

You’d be doing something you love, settled down and raising kids, or traveling.

I seem to have ventured into maintaining a life by surviving it. If that makes sense.

My family is spread out, never on the same page.

I have the kids part <3, they are my entire world. My reason for breathing. But I’m having trouble doing the settling down part.

“By surviving it” I mean it’s unsteady. It seems that the relationship I am in now has become an obligation. It’s confusing and lonely and not what I pictured my life would be right now I guess. But how do you explain that to people you trust who aren’t in your world? They kind of walk in and out of it. Which is fine. I’m on my own path.

But I keep finding myself thinking about my life and why it’s not where I want it. Is it because I settle too easily? or is it because I’m living my life to survive it.

We had a argument a few weeks ago and he said that I was boring, and that all I did was “Mom”. I don’t even know what that means. If I don’t do it who will? and I don’t want to do anything else. He said I didn’t have any hobbies, and he doesn’t want to lay with me at night and rewatch the same stuff over and over..

I actually enjoy watching the same stuff over and over. It doesn’t become “old” to me. It brings me a lot of joy. I don’t know, maybe I’m weird.

I’m also one of those people who have “incurable romantic syndrome”. I want what you see in movies. Yes, it’s made up and unrealistic. But to me, it doesn’t seem impossible to feel that type of importance, to want that type of importance.

Anyways, I start my new job tomorrow. Not really a “new” career path, but I think I’m going to like it. My 10th grade history teacher and his family bought our local bowling alley here in town and I am going to be waitressing and bartending. I’m excited because it’s new. I’m hoping it breaks up some of my life a little bit. Positively, of course.

My kids start daycare full time after a 5 month hiatus. They are so excited to see all their friends. I’m sad I won’t be with them all day everyday, but I really feel like this gives them an outlet. Let them build their personalities a little bit. 🙂 Doesn’t mean I’m not going to wonder throughout my day how they’re doing though. ❤

I guess I’ll end this journal entry. I want to let you all know, I enjoy reading your comments, advice, recipe swaps..

I love writing to an audience who is at my level and who isn’t looking for anything special, like this entry.

You all have a great week. ❤

xoxoxo,

-A

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